A Leaders' Life of Insignificance

Day 6 - At Laida beach.  Thousands on thousands of people.  A throng.  Some thongs.  Some without any thong on.

Seriously, the huge numbers of people and my sense of alone-ness (enhanced by the fact that I could not speak Spanish) got me thinking:  “In the crowd of humanity, who am I really?”  In the context of 7.5 billion people on this planet, what is significant about me?  This got me thinking about the importance I ascribe to my work and my self.

One more thing has me thinking about this now as I write.  This week marks the second funeral in the last two weeks of people I have known well.  It also brought tragic news of a relative who suffered a massive brain hemorrhage and may not see consciousness or his family ever again.  The Bible says it’s better to attend a funeral than a party, because it causes you to think about how you are living your life. (Ecclesiastes 7:2). So, I am thinking about life and invite you to consider your own.

 

On that beach in Spain while walking the Camino, and now today surrounded by the loss of friends, relatives and acquaintances, this is a reflection on living a life of insignificance.

Like many leaders, I have always had a sense of importance and significance to my life.  This motivated and drove my leadership aspirations and future thinking.  The leadership seminar and book industry contributed by feeding this theme into my psyche and understanding of leadership. As a result, I have always looked for something better, greater and farther for which to strive.  Embedded in my thinking was always that I’d be part of a ‘breakthrough’, a significant team or an innovative thing.  On reflection, I have fulfilled some of those aspirations.  However as I looked at that crowd on the beach in Laida Spain, a reality hit me full force.   Like the waves pounding the surf, humans like me come and go throughout history.   Life rolls along.  Wave after wave.   A new swell of humanity hits the beach every generation.  Ha - in 30 years from now I likely won’t even be top of mind to my own kids!  Few people are remembered.  Few leave a legacy that humanity will store in its collective memory, or benefit from materially.

Leaders live to leave legacies, to impact others, to ‘make a mark’.  We have been enculturated into this characterization of leadership.  “You can do anything…You can be a change-maker in the world” and many other catch phrases populate leadership seminars and even parental guidance.  However, there is an insidious nature to this because it can – as it did in my case – inflate significance, diminish the present and drive a striving for future results that robs our impact on the here and now.

I challenge you as a leader to shift from a mentality of legacy to service.  Legacy too often is a selfish thing.  It’s about what you can leave behind; how you will be remembered.  Service is about showing up in the today to say – “How can I be of help?”

Finally, to all legacy-builders and world-changers: 

• Go to a funeral to remind yourself what is most important.  Discern what is most remembered from a life lived.
• Legacy isn’t so much what you leave behind in terms of professional or social impact.  A rude truth is someone else will eclipse your work down the road.  True legacy is the character DNA you introduce to your family and others who live and work around you.  That DNA will exist in the background, profoundly influential in the lives of those who remain after you have gone. 
• Calculate the cost of the ‘big thing’ you have committed to pursuing with your life.  In the grand scheme of things, is it worth the price you are currently paying?  How could you pursue this differently?
• We have dreams to pursue but only today to do.  Don’t live in your future to the extent that you lose today, because today is all you have.

On Day 14 at the Albergue Meurelo, before I set out on my last day of walking the Camino, I reflected again on this theme and wrote:

“I am significant to God and of insignificance to man.  In the grand scheme of the world, I am a drop in the ocean.  That does not define me as an insignificant person, but it does pull me back from grandiose notions about my role in planetary impact.  Most of us live local lives.  That has nothing to do with value or significance in God’s eyes, because he knows our name & calls it out among the billions of people on this planet.”

Harv

Please DON'T 'Press On'

More lessons from the Camino. But first I must digress.

Vacations for our family were all about the destination.  Definitely not the journey.  Dad was the driver, and I don't just mean the noun.  He DROVE to the destination.  Breaks were few and far between.  If you didn't pee at the scheduled stops, there was a glass jar with a sealed top in the back seat you could use.  Good thing we were 5 boys.  Never was sure how it worked out for my mom!

No joy in the journey.  It was all about the destination.

I grew to be attracted to phrases and sentiments like "press on".  I even signed my emails with this phrase.  Not anymore.

·        This penchant for pushing and pressing on was one reason I ended up needing a sabbatical. (see my first blog in this Camino series).  One of the greatest ironies and insights I found in the first few days of walking the Camino was how my walking habits were a metaphor for my life, and they weren't working well for me.  What follows is lifted directly from my journal.  Its a bit raw and I apologize for the language, but it reflects the level of frustration I felt at my condition.

      Day 11.  Liendo, Spain.  Yet another blister dammit.  Enough of this.  Enough of walking in pain and toughing it out.  I have done enough of that in my life. This is such a metaphor for my life.  Time for shorter stints and talking care of my body.  The point of this sabbatical was to take care of myself.  Now I see that I have basically walked this Camino like I have lived my life: Is my soul or heart injured?  Tough it out. Keep walking. It’s admirable on the surface.  Its great leadership optics.  But it’s an UNACCEPTABLE WISDOM.  The cost is enduring pain, a limp and an inability to fully engage the journey in joy.  Shit.  I’ve done it again.  I walk wounded far too often.  Sometimes we cannot avoid walking with some pain but most times, I can and should slow the pace and even stop in order to recoup and then proceed.  What’s the rush anyway? My importance?  My significance to the project or the issue?  Oh how I over-inflate my importance, which then makes me plow through because “if not me, then who, and if not now, then when?”  God is the power.  I am the servant. He asks me to participate, as I am able.  I am not an indentured servant with a whip at my back.  So why do I live that way???

My 'walking metaphor' taught me some things applicable to the vocation of leadership:

I tolerated rocks in my shoes for too long. Instead of taking ONE minute out of a 6 hour walking day to deal with the inevitable rocks in my shoes, I'd usually set a goal and say: "Once I get there, then I'll stop". Then I'd get there and foolishly set another goal, without dealing with the rock. (What motivated me to do this is too deeply pathological to explain!) Bottom line: I'd plow ahead in pain to reach a goal, instead of stopping to deal with the irritant.

• Leadership Reflection: We all have the strength to press forward and ignore small irritants. But little irritants, left long enough, develop into significant obstacles. STOP and deal with the irritant, whether its physical, spiritual, or relational. Life just works better this way. It's not worth walking the rest of your journey with a limp, or worse not being able to walk it at all.

You don't have to walk so fast. I set out to walk at my own pace, but got caught up in the Camino Pilgrim Scramble to get to the next location quickly in order to ensure a place to stay for the night. (Hostels were first come first served). This race for the destination took over the pace I desired in order to walk freely and with joy. The race mentality meant I was losing out on the beauty of the surroundings, the pauses to enjoy Spanish culture and food, the views (o those views!) and the rest opportunities at beaches, cafe's or mountaintops.

• Leadership Reflection: How you walk the path set out before you is what, in the end, distinguishes you and creates your quality of life (more on this in a future blog). Is it that important that you leave the legacy of: "They got there first"? In this short life you have, it's just not worth losing out on the beauty and joy of living. A famously rich philosopher-king named Solomon wrote about this in Ecclesiastes. Read this Biblical book.

Do not tough it out. This is more than a 'rock in your shoes' moment, or about the times when the situation demands some personal grit and determination. It's about when you are exhausted and spent in your leadership but decide to press on anyway. Some days I chose to keep walking despite horrible blisters. I remember one day after a few days of toughing it out, another ailment emerged: a shin splint. But as you have probably gathered about me - I plowed on that whole day anyway and limped into a forced day of rest.

• Leadership Reflection: Too many leaders press on so hard that they are then forced to rest because of complete exhaustion. That's costly to them personally, to their organizations and to the purpose/objective for which they have committed their lives. Build a regular 'sabbath' into your life, a time to step away from everything. Not only will it afford a time for healing where you may be hurting, but it affords your mind body & soul space for renewal and strengthening.

Get a grip on your pace of life and get yourself out of the race of life.

Harv Matchullis