Mourning Your Transitions

Have you mourned the things you left behind, left undone, or that left you?

Whether your transition is job loss, loss of a dream, inability to complete an important assignment, leaving something (someone) behind to obtain work or a dream or any other form of loss - have you mourned it?

I write this on my last day of "unemployment" after ending a ministry last January. Tomorrow, May 31st I fly to Toronto for 2 weeks to begin my new role as Director of Candidate Recruitment & Development for the C&MA in Canada. I will be based in Calgary but will be travelling a fair bit with this role. My responsibility is to oversee the processes that recruit and prepare the people who serve in international/cross cultural contexts.

It was not until a few days ago, in the midst of a final formal review to assess the leadership and organizational lessons learned during my time as leader of the ministry I left behind, that I finally grieved the loss.

I lamented
I mourned

I felt sorrow
And now I finally feel free to move on.

Up until this moment my processing has been a mix of 'suck it up and end well', of rationalization, disappointment & acceptance. Lot's of 'head stuff'. Only recently did my heart mourn the loss of what was. I discovered something in my 'lament' - that until you mourn, you cannot move on. The Lord truly met me in the 'mourning' and today I finally feel released to close the door on what was and open the new one as of tomorrow. I actually feel physically and emotionally lighter. I am now unchained from what I carried sub-consciously. Closing a door does not mean forgetting relationships, lessons or even pain, but it does release your spirit to move freely into what is next.

Whatever you are leaving behind in your transition, know this - while your heart mourns and you release the sorrow deep within, God will strengthen you to hold onto the good things done, experienced and learned. Then let the freedom gained via mourning reign, so you can move into what is next.

I leave you with this thought that has encouraged me as I think about what was and what could have been:

God carries on what I cannot. Rest in that and open the next door.

Harv

Landing the Career Plane

June 1 2019.  That's the day I start a new career.

I did not choose to make a career shift at age 60, but there I was.  I am generally quite positive and hopeful; a dreamer by nature, but quite frankly I found the prospect of finding a job at my age intimidating.  Ageism is out there and I had no idea if I would encounter it as I searched for employment.  Something else I encountered out there (or should I say 'in there'), are the limiting beliefs about age that you allow to rent space in your head.

Let me start off by stating that my age and experience were actually to my advantage in the role I just acquired. They honoured that and in fact it was part of their search parameters.  I am a fortunate man. 

During this process I discovered some things about myself and making a career decision at this age. 

First, I had to deal with the competing internal narratives of what I knew I could bring to the table because of accumulated life experience and knowledge VS. insecurities about my age.  This competing discourse was loudest when I sought roles outside my career field but within the scope of my experience.  At times I felt less confident than a new graduate (at least they have naivete on their side!).  In the end the answer was inside of me.  I had to put on my big boy pants and get out there. 

Secondly, this thing about finding 'passion' and excitement in your career, while it rang true in my earlier career shifts, wasn't factoring prominently in this decision making process.  People I involved in the process would sometimes ask me: "Harv - are you excited about this potential role"?  My honest response was: "I'm not sure yet".  This lack of excitement actually had me worried that perhaps this wasn't the job for me after all.  Yet everything I knew & learned about the role and its' possibilities made it an excellent fit.  My mentors and advisors strongly affirmed me.  My mind was 100% there.  So, where was my heart? Where was this 'passion' thing?

I liken the experience of career decision making at this age vs. earlier decades as the difference between an aircraft take-off and landing.  In your earlier years, you are the pilot of your own career.  When you take off (numerous times for most of us) you have a wide open sky in front of you.  The possibilities, while not endless are exciting. Yes, you have a flight plan, but as conditions change you can shift.  There is time in your life and space in your career trajectory for course corrections.  However, now at age 60 I was thinking more like this:

"I'm about to land this plane. There's one runway.  Is this the runway where I want to land my life experience?"

The reality of your 'career age' changes the way you make decisions.  Sure, passion is a part of it, but now you are more contemplative, reflective and wise precisely because of your age.  Decisions are less about self-fulfillment and more about legacy, succession and finding a place where you can build into the best system or foundation for whomever comes next behind you.

A final word on this thing about 'passion' & finding self-fulfillment in our careers.  That is a luxury the majority of this world cannot afford.  For most, work is a function of survival, not fulfillment.  That I have work at all is a blessing.  That I get to do something I love and that will contribute is a profound privilege.