I lost a
friend today. Found at home dead. No explanation yet. Just prior to that I had conversations with 2
families who are suffering through similar family circumstance that have been
our experience the past 12 years. My
heart and soul became overwhelmed. Went to
my room and cried, almost uncontrollably, for a long time. Wave after wave of what felt like the weight
of the worlds suffering crashing on me.
Seemed out of proportion, yet it kept coming.
I have experienced
this a few times.
An identification with,
and realization of the suffering of people in this world.
I don’t ever feel much emotion in my relationship
with God, but this comes to me every once in a while, unannounced and definitely
uninvited.
And I am wrecked.
Interestingly (to me) it is not about agonizing
over the “Why, God?” question.
It is
about just entering into the loss, suffering and human experience of pain, and
how unjust, unnecessary, and unexplained it is.
My emotion doesn’t
need an answer. I am always sad, but not
angry. It is as though God has me there
to just sit in the pain & loss. The experience
comes on me and I cannot control it. It’s
as though Christ just wants me to know it and perhaps feel what He feels. This
is the closest I get to feeling intimacy in my relationship with Christ.
Suffering
is unjust and frankly, unnatural. We
were not made for suffering, so when it occurs it feels wrong – precisely because
according to God’s created intent for us, this was never meant to be. We feel this deep within us, in the recesses
of our souls. It is the image of God
within us crying out for our true state of being all the while we are suffering.
I don’t subscribe
to those who seek to glorify suffering as a means to deeper spirituality. Bull****.
However, we must deal with it as part of the human condition on
earth. I do know that in Christ, who
also suffered, I can endure and find strength and hope. But to glorify suffering itself as though we should
seek it, is warped religion. Christ endured
the Cross but He didn’t go looking for it.
Never glorify suffering. Endure it. Place your hope and perspective in Christ
during your suffering, but never elevate it to some superior state of spiritual
experience. We were made for blessing,
love, abundance and eternal life. Suffering
and death and pain are in the way, and while ultimately are resolved and defeated
in Christ, in the interim we are left to endure and cope, mitigating the pain
(ours and others’) through the strength and promises we have in Christ, that we
will be restored to our created being as God intended.
This also
why we must be engaged in our world, to alleviate pain, poverty and suffering of
all kinds. It is why we are to ‘show up’
and come alongside with human suffering.
This is how the Kingdom of God (the created intent of God) comes to
earth and does its restorative, redemptive work. Who the hell cares about your theology of
salvation if it has little or nothing to do with the state of human life in the
here and now? That’s not gospel. If your deeper life pursuits and your
Christian church experience does not have an immediate & demonstrable relationship
of love and grace to the need of the world, you are nothing but noise.
I lost a
friend today and I am pissed at the suffering of this world.