Searching to Belong

Took someone to a church the other week who was looking for a place to belong.  Had to search around to find the right community, as there were some unique needs this person had for belonging.  You see, they were part of the LGBTQS community.

It was striking to me that I had to shop around to find in the Church (the community that represents Christ), a specific community that would accept, welcome, and affirm/love them just as they were.  Rather than this being a hallmark of the communities of faith called the ‘church’, it’s the exception.  Thus the careful search.

This experience is similar for others who suffer marginalization of any kind, for whatever reason.  Do they live alternative lifestyles, do they suffer mental illness, are they from a culture/religion we fear, are they disruptive to our comfort zone…?  Fill in your own blank:_______

I’m not on a high horse here.  I am among the guilty who in the past had internalized (and then acted out) an ‘othering’.  I allowed doctrinal, moral and church-culture alignment to influence belonging and acceptance, rather than the wide embrace of love and grace that is the hallmark and the very essence of Christ.  I am so sorry that I did not think more deeply about what my tradition was demonstrating.  I went with the flow because it was what the community practiced.

I was fresh out of seminary and in my first church when I first faced this dilemma head on as a church leader.  Have to say that I failed the test.  My office was in the downtown area of a small Alberta town.  I’d sit in my office and think: “There’s a bar down the street.  I should head in there, have a coke and start meeting some of the people who gather there”.  But I didn’t, even though the Spirit was pushing me to go.  Jesus would have gone.  But I was conditioned into a thinking that declared it wasn’t the ‘right’ place for a pastor to be.  Not a good place for other Christians either.  (You can tell I am old and this was a long time ago given the social mores among Christians now).  What would my congregation say?  Would I be called on the carpet or even lose my job for associating with ‘that crowd’ or going into 'that place'?  The reality was that anyone in that bar probably would not come to my church anyway given they surely had already experienced the Christian cold shoulder.  There would be no welcome from us especially if we knew their ‘story’ was as someone who sat in bars. So there I was – not going TO them and then leading a community that would not let them IN either. 

So much for belonging.  So much for a love that embraces all.   So much for incarnation of the gospel into my neighbourhood and relationships.  And, so much for Jesus being 'good news' to them.

A big win for religion.

By the way, the church we went to the other week was fantastic.  A warm embrace, felt through the teaching, the atmosphere and the welcome.  Just like Jesus would have done. 

Marginal

I have experienced in a small way what is is to be marginalized.  Living as a foreigner in Indonesia, Cambodia and Kuwait gave me a taste of what many have to deal with on an ongoing, lifetime basis.  Despite these experiences I don't profess to identify with the deep pain and isolation of systemic marginalization.

The experience of marginalization emerged again while a pilgrim on the El Camino Norte in the summer of 2017. I walked exclusively through Spanish towns and cities where few spoke English.  Fellow pilgrims on my route were also largely Spanish speaking.   Since I did not speak their language I could not join in conversations or  experience the amazing Spanish community many others on the Camino enjoyed.

Foreigner.
Isolated.
Marginal to the dominant culture. 

I was keenly aware how much I was an observer and not a participant.  Always an outsider, knowing that until I knew their language and took steps to move into their world, I would never find acceptance.  So, I stayed at the margins and largely walked alone.

How cool and refreshing then when someone who knew English (even a little) spoke to me.  My face lit up with the hope of connection and community.  Perhaps even acceptance.

I have a question for those of you who are part of a dominant culture:

Must the marginalized around us (which includes the ones we have kept at the margins) learn our 'language & ways' as the dominant culture?  

Is it incumbent on them to 'come our way' or is it we, who hold the dominant power relationships, and social capital , who need to be the initiative takers?  Ideally we all become 'multi-lingual' and cross each others' cultural and psycho-social bridges.  However its my contention that the chief responsibility lies with the dominant culture to learn the others' 'language' first.  That means to know their story and seek to understand their world, not with the goal of assimilating them and making them into our image, but to create a new inter-human experience where acceptance is practiced as a way of being.

We who are the 'new humans in Christ' in particular must resist the natural, human gravitational pull to only associate with those who are like us.  Our role is to demonstrate a new 'multi-lingual' community where all people find a place of love and acceptance.

Let no one be left out of the love of God for all.  No none.