Another Goodbye

We have an expat daughter.   It isn’t easy.

As former expats ourselves, we committed early in our lives to give our children the gift of Roots & Wings.  We would root them in a foundation of family and a love for the world, and then let them know they had wings to pursue life according to their dreams no matter where it took them.  We knew that gift held the potential and inevitability of many a goodbye.  

There was another goodbye today.

You get used to this...and you don't.

Part of me wants to never say goodbye to my kids – especially to my daughters.  Sorry boys - it’s a dad thing.  Yet I have come to know as a parent that an unwillingness to say goodbye is to suppress the dreams and callings of our children. (It is even a way of holding back a parent who needs to move on to pursue a dream).  It is a selfish act to cling, to make it known overtly or passively that the others’ leaving somehow diminishes loyalty and relationship.  On the contrary, the act of leaving enhances the life of your child – and yours by extension.  By leaving, and being blessed to leave, a child is freed to fully pursue their created self.  As a result, they not only find the joy of being themselves, but also a deeper richness from the personal/spiritual growth ‘being themselves’ will bring.

Roots & Wings. A relational breathing in and breathing out.  In my view it’s as necessary for life as is oxygen.

God promises that someday we will all be gathered. No more tearful goodbyes. That promise feels so good right now, as I reflect on just saying goodbye to my daughter at the airport. Yet for now and for the sake of a world that needs people such as my children to live out who they are, wherever that takes them – so be it.  God knows where their wings need to take them and where their lives need to take root.  

Give your kids roots in love, meaning and relationship.  Also gift them wings to fly away with the knowledge those roots provide them the courage & confidence needed to bring life and renewal to a tired world. 

Roots and Wings. These are the gifts of love to our children. 

Go ahead now, hold them close.  Then let them go.

Bureaucracy as Story

BUREAUCRACY.  

Not exactly a hot topic for summertime reading.  Yet your bureaucracy is a story.  Have you read it lately?

The administrative system governing your organization is what defines its bureaucracy.  The word evokes negative connotations for most of us.  Who hasn’t been caught up in a process or system that seems so prolonged, complicated and disconnected from the actual ’thing’ we are trying to accomplish or obtain?  Though bureaucracy isn’t inherently evil, it does have a natural instinct for ignoring reality.  It is prone to developing unnatural structures that have little connection to on-the-ground reality.  A classic example is how colonial European bureaucratic powers carved up Africa. Borders were drawn up that ignored river lines, mountain ranges, tribal realities and trade routes.  Peoples once naturally connected found themselves scattered and splintered along arbitrary borders that defined these new countries.  Those countries were drawn and defined by bureaucrats who never set foot on African soil! A European bureaucrat, instead of aligning their story (formation of countries) to fit reality, forced reality to fit their story.  A classic bureaucratic disconnect with disastrous and lingering consequences.

Your organization no doubt has a story it wants to tell. There is a purpose for which you exist and your hope as a leader is that that purpose is the prime story that comes across when people encounter your organization.  

 I have had to deal with civic authority multiple times when developing a property in my city over the past few years.  Although the story I hear from my city officials is all about functional, sustainable neighbourhoods and healthy communities, our civic administration’s reality is encased in by-laws and codes.  As time goes on this bureaucratic ‘story’ only seems to expand as rules and regulations are added.  Bureaucracy becomes its own story.  I recall a meeting with an official prior to our purchase of a facility to assess whether we could utilize the land for our purposes.  That official carried into our meeting a physical binder of codes that was literally 8 inches thick.  What a metaphor!  What a ‘story’!  As our project progressed, when our on the ground reality & needs did not match their bureaucratic story, it became clear which story (“healthy, functional community” vs. “building codes and regulations”) was the ‘real’ story.  Left unchallenged, the city’s bureaucratic story would have prevailed unless I insisted they come on site to see my situation.  Thankfully, more often than not they found ways to accommodate our needs within the codes and regulations.   They changed their story to fit our reality.

How ‘on-site’ is your bureaucracy?   

When was the last time as a leader you put your boots on the ground to see whether the policy, procedure and execution that defines your bureaucracy, truly contributes to creating the pathways to accomplishing your purpose? 

Do some good old management by walking around.  Walk the front line with your employees and discover whether your Story of Purpose is heard over the Story of your Bureaucracy.

The Out of the Way Life

So, you want to change the world.  How does your world tell you to do that? It says: “Roll up your sleeves, dive in and get a plan and people together.  Then get set for what could be a long game.  Be diligent to show up in the right places and in front of the right people at the right times.   Persevere.  Stay the course.  Regularly revisit the mission to be sure you are heading in the direction of your vision”.  

All good.  All true.   

Now find a way to get out of the way. 

By this I mean that unless and until you develop a 'get out of the way'  life practice, you may lose the perspective and voice needed to reach your change goals.  Marginalizing yourself from your work is essential so that you don’t succumb to the classic inability to see the forest for the all trees.

In August of 2017, I went for a walk on the Camino. An unplanned sabbatical because I had failed to practice an 'out of the way life'.  The overinflated importance I placed on myself in my work was a contributing cause to my burnout.   I was about to enter a forced time of being truly marginal to my work.  

Marginal – a word that evokes thoughts of  isolation, insignificance, and ineffectual existence.  However, I want to introduce it to you as an essential leadership practice.

En route to Spain I read a book called “The Jesus Way” by Eugene Petersen. Petersen made a comment about a Biblical leader named Elijah who had for various reasons had chosen, and was occasionally forced into, an 'out of the way' life.  The following quote struck me as it pertains to the outcome of a more deliberate, ‘out of the way’ leadership practice: 

“…his out of the way life, marginal to everything we assume is important and significant, is foundational to whatever effectiveness he will have when he has the attention of the world. (pg. 108)

I know you want the attention of the world because as a leader you want to change a system, a way of thinking, a product, or a people.  Yet to accomplish that, at times you need to practice an out of the way life for a time and be marginal to your leadership engagements. Practically speaking it’s time away where you re-calibrate your mind, body & soul.  

The constant noise of leadership demands makes us hard of hearing. The pace of activity our leadership produces makes our bodies tired. The multiplicity of detail that our goals require makes our vision blur.

 

Therefore, get over yourself and step out of the way. Go do whatever renews your mind and soul.  Let something or Someone, take over your attention for a time – an hour, a morning, a day. You will be surprised at the deep impact these ‘out of the way’ times of life have when you finally have the attention of the world you are seeking to change.