It's Been a Year

One year since a budget squeeze 'released' me from my role with my denomination. Forty years after I had started with them.

Those few weeks before my 65^th birthday rapidly ushered me into a ‘retirement’ transition.  I had mused about it before, but was faced head on with defining the next phase of life.

True to the insights I gained from readings on ‘retirement’ and friends who had gone before, adjusting to what’s next takes longer than you anticipate.  I am still curating my new life, and I am giving my self grace and time to do so.

Here are some musings from the process so far.  You may be in a similar space, or heading into it, or wondering about it.  In no way is this prescriptive.  It’s my story.  But maybe it can help spark some reflection for you.   

I love change.  It marked my career. I think I was good at it personally and leading it organizationally. However, after 40+ years of employment and multiple role changes within my career, adjusting to this reality at 65 + is a completely different game. It’s exciting and it sucks all at the same time. 

Here is what I have to say about this transition ‘game’ so far.

Identity: My identification with a particular role/persona within an organization is gone.  It’s history. Not coming back. Have to move on.  And it’s best to move on.  The temptation is to do things to perpetuate it in some fashion.  To keep the connection (and identity) by getting a similar job or contract.  That’s not wrong at all, but it holds the potential of delaying your journey of new discovery.

Relationships: My circles have radically changed. The relationships developed during that career, while not all lost, are no longer a locus for connection.  Those friendships were developed in the context of our mutual connection to the organization and/or the teams I worked with.  But for the most part they are not enduring friendships.  Outside of work, what tied us together?  That is not to say that they weren’t meaningful friendships.  In my case they went deep.  We shared a lot of life together.  It was a culture we deliberately nurtured.  If we met up again, we’d have a wonderful connection. But to be honest, once I was released and out of sight and mind, it has been ‘crickets’ (admittedly that runs both directions!)  Many had warned me about this reality.  It’s still a shock to the system.  So, the ‘what’s next’ is to renew and develop the kind of friendships that are connected not through career, but in the simple approach of: “hey, I like you for you”.

Status: To be honest I am struggling a bit with not being a core player in an organization/team.  That recognition and responsibility is gone.  Who I am is noticed by fewer and fewer people.  Unless I choose to do something that puts me in the public eye, my circles are getting smaller.  I am getting a grip on that, learning to accept it and be content to live and act well in that space.

Purpose: I am busy.  During this past year I renovated our basement and then launched an Airbnb.  Took a month-long trip with my wife to Europe. Started a Renovation/Handyman business.  I am an active board member of our community association.  I happily shuttle between kids and grandchildren across 2 cities.  What I am working through is what now ties everything together. Perhaps it’s a ‘purpose’ thing.  I like what I do, but at times it feels like I am pulling on various cords.  Do they need to tie together?  Does that matter? It must because I am writing about it. It has been interesting to me to realize that as much as we are told to NOT make our career the core of our purpose and identity, inherently that career holds more meaning for us than we may acknowledge.  That’s not surprising, for often we chose to maintain and build that career because it fulfills a purpose for us.  The challenge of forced or unforced retirement is to discern how to keep living with purpose outside of a regular job.  I’m getting there.

Career change: My primary paid professional career is OVER.  However, health permitting, I have the future prospect of 10-30 years of living.  Will I just fill the time, or have it move in a direction that is meaningful, and joy filled?  I no longer have an organization in and through which to express meaning. That doesn’t mean there still isn’t multiple ‘careers’ though which to express myself.

So – some musings along the way.  As I mentioned in a previous blog written during one of my mid-career transitions, new thinking must take place when you are landing the career plane vs. taking off.

Just don’t switch your life to auto-pilot.

 

Harv